Friday, March 26, 2010

Let's Play Pokémon HeartGold, Episode 1: The Generic-ness Begins!

Day 1 - Friday, March 26th 2010
WARNING: LOTS OF MISSPELLINGS AND JUNK IN THIS ONE THAT IWAS TOO LAZY TO FIX!


And so begins my adventure! It begins at the wonderful location of Target, where I buy the game on sale for $40 after waiting for twenty minutes for my mom to stop looking at shirts and give me my effing gift cards (not sure why I couldn't just hold 'em, but whatevers). During this time, we engage in a not-colorful and playful argument about whether SoulSilver or HeartGold is better. He says SS is, but I just got this one because the version exclusives are better, though I am upset that I'm giving up Meowth and Persian.

So, anyways, we get home from Target (and Kohl's), and I open up the game... except I don't. I wait for three hours because I'm dumb like that. So, at around eight 'o' clock, I start slashing at the thick government plastic that covers the game (funny how with video games it's government plastic and with lightbulbs it's thin cardboard. I guess because they're more urgent?), then read the mile-long Pokewalker instruction manual, all of which I totally disregard, since I won't be using it in my travels for today anyways.

So, anyways, I start up my DS and click on HeartGold, and the year-long intro begins. There's some weird bell tolls during the seven hundred copyright notices, then we watch some people battle it out with Gengars and Suicunes. Afterwards, the title screen FINALLY appears, and guess how you start the game? You touch Ho-oh with your stylus. Yeah, whatever sexual thought you had in your head, you're right.

So... after about fifteen minutes, the game starts. And we get to talk to... not Oak. We get to talk to Professor Elm instead. Hurrayz. So, Elm has a Marill (he's such an avid Pokemon collector, haawwh!). So, he wants to see us, and so I talk to my mommeh, and get my bag and my trainer card. My ID number is 63148. Not sure if this matters or not yet, but I'm soon we'll find out soon enough anyhow. I get an e-mail from my psycho friend Lyra (who ALSO has a Marill and was apparently playing hide and seek with it... ew), who just says she loves Pokemon or whatever. Then, I leave and I go over to Prof. Elm's place (isn't it ironic how his lab is RIGHT near my house?), and he gets an e-mail from Mr. Pokemon. He humps the computer, then says that he has some beautiful discovery, and that he can be found on Route 30 above Cherrygrove City.

He says I should bring a Pokemon with me, so I go over to the Pokemon refridgerator or whatever the crap it is, and I have to pick between a Totodile, Cyndaquil, and Chikorita. I pick Cyndaquil, and it's a male, so I name it Bernard, because I always thought Cyndaquil was very much related to St. Bernard. It was either that or Judas. It's a level 5 and has tackle and leer - pretty standard stuff. It's Quirky and "somewhat of a clown". Good enough. So, I actually start my adventure. An afro guy stops me in front of the door and gives me potions. And I get raped by a Marill on my way out. Yay.

I sign my trainer card with my full name (Tim Toohey), and I go over to some chick, thinking she'll be of some importance. Nope, she just says, "I like your bag!" Avoiding her stupidity and the fact that Elm said "People catch Pokemon in Pokeballs these days" ("these days"? like, since the 90's?), I go over to my mommy, and I show her my "rare" Cyndaquil, and she gives me my Pokegear, which for right now only contains a tellyfone. "It's so wasy to make a phone call these days!" Mom says. Where have these people been the last two generations? So, I get out of mah hauz, and Elm comes out and gives me his tellyfone number, so he can call me when danger threats (or when he feels like hearing my voice).

On my way to Cherrygrove City, I bump into my first wild Pokemon encounter - a Level 3 Sentret. I use my generic Tackle once, then it criticals, and it faints. Hooray for stupid victory. I pass a random guy and think he'll most likely just give me a potion or something, but I don't wanna take the risk that he's a randomly-placed early game trainer, I ignore him. My second encounter is a Level 3 Pidgey. Even with Leer decreasing its accuracy, its Tackles do a buttload of damage. I'm left with 6 of my 18 HP, and the Pidgey faints. Though very damaged, Bernard reaches Level 6, and learns smokescreen - a defense-dropping move. After getting through the enormous patch of grass with only 6 HP, I realize there's a thingus to the right. It's... another effing potion! Hooray! Totally don't already have 5 of those or anything.

I go through a random place where people tell me nothing to see Route 46, but I'm easily intimidated by the oddly large amount of grass, so I go back and head to Cherrygrove. Once there, I'm stopped my a pedophi-- I mean, old man. Apparently, he can tell I'm a rookie trainer? So, he realizes I don't have the Running Shoes yet, so he says he will walk "as slow as possible", meaning he runs really fast, then stops for one second when the camera edge is too close to his gorgeous wrinkly old man face.

Apparently, his name is Guide Gent (who the poop names their kid Gent?), and he gives me a tour of Cherrygrove - the Pokemart, the Pokemon Center, his house, all that good stuff. He explains fishing and junk, then gives me his "still warm" running shoes. Nah, just kidding, they're brand-new... sort of. So, yayz, now I can run.He also gives me the Town Map, then I head up to Route 30, just north of Cherrygrove. I run through some grass and encounter a Caterpie and a Metapod, both of which I ignore, find another potion, and an antedote, then when I go near a house, some dude stops me and gives me the Apricorn Box, where I can store so many apricorns. That'll be useful in due time.

After sailing my way through the millions of Pidgeys and Metapods, I finally reach Mr. frigging Pokemon. Professor Oak is there, and he gives me the Mystery Egg! Owsum! Oak walks VERY SLOWLY around the table and gives me the Pokedex, and his tellyfone number. As I leave, Mr. Pokemon says to bring the Egg to Elm, who calls, gasps, then... dies? On my way out of Cherrygrove, I encounter an emo red-headed dude, who flips me off, then battles me with his Level 5 Totodile. We have a Leer/Tackle shenanigan fest, and I whoop his emo butt within a minute and he pushes me away and goes home to cut himself over his picture of Robert Pattinson. Apparently, I had his trainer card... somehow, so I SAW HIS NAME, HAAAWWWH!, and also, Bernard reaches Level 7 during the fight. I go to Elm's lab, and a cop is there, along with Lyra, and I tell him that the culprit of a missing Pokemon case is that red-headed dude, who I name Derrick (not sure why, just fits his picture). When the police officer and Lyra leave, I give the Mystery Egg to Elm, and he craps his pants after seeing it. He takes and humps it into his refridgerator, then he tells me to leave after I show him my high-tech encyclopedia.

I go outside, and Lyra stops me, and tells me about balls. Pokeballs, you pervert. She gives me an example by using her Marill (because EVERYONE has a Marill in this game), and she fights a Level 2 Rattata. She catches it with one of her 20 friggin' Pokeballs, and gives me 5 of 'em. Cheapskate.

So, I decide to put my bawlz to good use, so I find a Hoothoot in the grass. It's a Level 3, and seems to have a good move... thing, so I catch it and name it Howl-Owl (if it were a female, I would've named it Hedwig), because it sounds funny. It is Serious with "good endurance", which seem to be good qualities if he's gonna be helpful. It has tackle, growl, and foresight. Foresight has definitely been showing its usefulness to me with some of the Pokemon I fought in the grass, so I dunno how it's gonna pan out.

I figured at that point, I made a pretty decent amount of progress, so I decided to stop playing there and save my game.

That's the end of Episode 1! See ya next time for training Hoothoot, and maybe catching some other stuff!

Game Time so far: 0 hrs, 44 mins
Thanks for reading!

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